I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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