Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
