Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
