i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
