Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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