is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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