I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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