is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
