Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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