i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
