I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
