I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
