where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
