last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
