apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
