yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wish life had little blips of pornography
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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