Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
