Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
