miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sext me about skeletons
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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