Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
