We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
