there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
