He uses pillows to masturbate.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
