i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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