I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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