I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
