So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
