there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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