there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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