remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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