I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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