Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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