don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
