i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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