so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
