you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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