no. you can't hotbox the world.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
