Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
