You just made me feel so damn special
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
