so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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