You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
