I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
