someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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