These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
