i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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