we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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