i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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