I CAN MOONWALK!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
