Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
