Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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