i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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