No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
