We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
