My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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