Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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