I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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