I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
