Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
