he was CRYING into my vagina
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Did I show you my penis last night?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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