hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
