I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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