Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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