My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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