I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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