I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
