Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
