Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
