This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
