Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
