Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
