Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
