i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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