Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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