respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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