If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is it fun? or sober?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
