Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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