He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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